Caught our eye: Dear Hermès Communications.
It's nice to know that you're in charge of the Virgin Cola budget. It's also nice that you get to fill entire pages with Virgin ads.
It’s nice to know that you’re managing the Virgin Cola budget. It’s also nice that you get to fill entire pages with Virgin ads. We’ve taken notice, Hermès Communication. It’s just a shame that you didn’t take a slightly more progressive approach to the creative. Of course, there could be two reasons for this: Either you had to adapt this ad for German-speaking markets (in which case I might have left out the agency name), or drinking Virgin Cola brings to mind thoughts that are anything but virginal. I’ve heard it said that a man can’t take enough women’s virginity away, or that certain men won’t marry a woman who isn’t entirely untouched anymore—even though these men themselves can’t even remember when they lost their own «innocence.» But since modern women have learned to take what gives them pleasure, naturally one or two virgin hunters end up missing out—or arriving too late. And it seems that you, dear Hermès Communication, have set your sights on this growing target audience for the Virgin producers. After all, you’re selling virginity produced by the meter. «Baywatch»-addicted guys who, in their fantasies, would love to get it on with Pamela Anderson come a little closer to fulfilling their wish when they open a bottle of Virgin Cola. Personally, I’ve definitely lost any desire to take a sip of it, let alone open a bottle. Because deflowering a woman in a bikini is really not at the top of my list of priorities.
With greetings that are anything but innocent, Yours, Chandra Kurt
Language Observer La House Rules
House Rules applicable to owners, temporary occupants, and tenants of the apartment:
To ensure a comfortable stay and easy maintenance of the house, please be sure to follow all instructions provided by the property owner.
All common areas (passageways, building entrances, stairways, hallways) must be kept clear at all times. Consequently, it is not permitted to leave any items in the common areas (packages, cardboard boxes, shoes, etc.).
Owners and tenants must ensure that the peace and quiet of the property is not disturbed under any circumstances (especially after 10 p.m.). Consequently, they may not make noise or allow noise to occur, nor may they begin any work that might disturb the neighborhood. Please note that you should avoid slamming doors. Televisions and radio sets must be used in moderation.
Children are not permitted to play in building entrances, on stairways, in common areas, in parking lots, or on grassy embankments.
Skiing inside the building is prohibited. For this reason, you must leave your skis in the designated area; walking through common areas while wearing ski boots is prohibited.
It is prohibited to beat or shake out carpets and blankets. (Newer household appliances do not allow for any tolerance in this regard.) Of course, throwing any items out of the window or onto the balcony is prohibited (paper, cigarette butts, liquids, water, flowers, etc.). Washing balconies, hanging laundry, storing wood on them, or using them as a storage area is prohibited.
Dogs and cats must be kept on a leash at all times in all common areas and throughout the entire building. Furthermore, they are permitted on the condition that no claims for compensation will be made.
If everyone respects the house rules, it will make for a more pleasant stay in this house.
The Legal Counsel's Rules and Regulations for the Yeti Summer Camp in Châtel, Savoie (F).
Column: No Panic, Peter Pan
From Anna Esposito
I no longer believe in my date of birth. My age is marked by quantum leaps, phase shifts, and journeys into the future. It’s emotional and possesses an unpredictable, polymorphic nature. For example, after exhausting weeks of presentations and my daughter’s middle ear infection, I feel like I’m a hundred and ten. But when a new junior copywriter respectfully addresses me as “you” during a briefing, I feel like I’m seventy-five. The beauty of discovering that emotions have their own “best-by” dates, however, is mostly a positive thing. When I’m working on a concept with my favorite art director, I’m soon feeling inspired, as if I’ve stepped back into my fourteenth year. With unbridled schadenfreude and absolute political incorrectness, I defame intellectual minorities (people from Aargau, SVP members, Porsche drivers), we brag about sexual exploits (Viva Italia), and strike up deep philosophical conversations, just like back then on a school-free afternoon on a sun-drenched meadow along the banks of the Limmat. And lo and behold, the many ideas come all on their own. When I look at the ADC book, I’m pleased to see that others, too, are venturing into the realm of mischievous youth. And with their cheeky ideas, they know how to awaken the inner child in their clients as well. So there it is—the promising path to growing older, but not old, even in advertising: thanks to secret conspiracies in the battle for those precious moments when Peter Pan picks us up from the windowsill, sprinkles us with magic dust, and flies us to his island. It’s just a shame about all those eternal adults who get tangled up in strategies, theories, and corporate images: Like Captain Hook, they’re constantly afraid of the ticking crocodile that once swallowed an alarm clock—and they look so old doing it.
With greetings that are anything but innocent, Yours, Chandra Kurt
Language Observer La House Rules
House Rules applicable to owners, temporary occupants, and tenants of the apartment:
To ensure a comfortable stay and easy maintenance of the house, please be sure to follow all instructions provided by the property owner.
All common areas (passageways, building entrances, stairways, hallways) must be kept clear at all times. Consequently, it is not permitted to leave any items in the common areas (packages, cardboard boxes, shoes, etc.).
Owners and tenants must ensure that the peace and quiet of the property is not disturbed under any circumstances (especially after 10 p.m.). Consequently, they may not make noise or allow noise to occur, nor may they begin any work that might disturb the neighborhood. Please note that you should avoid slamming doors. Televisions and radio sets must be used in moderation.
Children are not permitted to play in building entrances, on stairways, in common areas, in parking lots, or on grassy embankments.
Skiing inside the building is prohibited. For this reason, you must leave your skis in the designated area; walking through common areas while wearing ski boots is prohibited.
It is prohibited to beat or shake out carpets and blankets. (Newer household appliances do not allow for any tolerance in this regard.) Of course, throwing any items out of the window or onto the balcony is prohibited (paper, cigarette butts, liquids, water, flowers, etc.). Washing balconies, hanging laundry, storing wood on them, or using them as a storage area is prohibited.
Dogs and cats must be kept on a leash at all times in all common areas and throughout the entire building. Furthermore, they are permitted on the condition that no claims for compensation will be made.
If everyone respects the house rules, it will make for a more pleasant stay in this house.
The Legal Counsel's Rules and Regulations for the Yeti Summer Camp in Châtel, Savoie (F).
Column: No Panic, Peter Pan
From Anna Esposito
I no longer believe in my date of birth. My age is marked by quantum leaps, phase shifts, and journeys into the future. It’s emotional and possesses an unpredictable, polymorphic nature. For example, after exhausting weeks of presentations and my daughter’s middle ear infection, I feel like I’m a hundred and ten. But when a new junior copywriter respectfully addresses me as “you” during a briefing, I feel like I’m seventy-five. The beauty of discovering that emotions have their own “best-by” dates, however, is mostly a positive thing. When I’m working on a concept with my favorite art director, I’m soon feeling inspired, as if I’ve stepped back into my fourteenth year. With unbridled schadenfreude and absolute political incorrectness, I defame intellectual minorities (people from Aargau, SVP members, Porsche drivers), we brag about sexual exploits (Viva Italia), and strike up deep philosophical conversations, just like back then on a school-free afternoon on a sun-drenched meadow along the banks of the Limmat. And lo and behold, the many ideas come all on their own. When I look at the ADC book, I’m pleased to see that others, too, are venturing into the realm of mischievous youth. And with their cheeky ideas, they know how to awaken the inner child in their clients as well. So there it is—the promising path to growing older, but not old, even in advertising: thanks to secret conspiracies in the battle for those precious moments when Peter Pan picks us up from the windowsill, sprinkles us with magic dust, and flies us to his island. It’s just a shame about all those eternal adults who get tangled up in strategies, theories, and corporate images: Like Captain Hook, they’re constantly afraid of the ticking crocodile that once swallowed an alarm clock—and they look so old doing it.
