Spiked: Bad publicity for King Football

Oh my goodness! The Swiss distrust UBS and the SVP. This was the result of a recent survey of 1277 opinion leaders conducted by advertising figurehead Frank Bodin. This means that two pillars of Swiss society have already been shaken to their foundations - and two of the most important Swiss brands to boot. But that's not all: football, THE Swiss national sport (so to speak), is also in a huge crisis at the moment. And all this at the start of the European Football Championship! This could actually leave us cold, because after all, Switzerland is not playing in 2012. But on the other hand, it's also stupid. Because this time we really could have been European champions. At least if the Italians weren't playing.

Sorrow for the women

Because the Squadra Azzurra, Italy's neighbor to the south, is in a real crisis due to a betting scandal, the head of the Italian European Championship team, Demetrio Albertini, has had enough. That wouldn't bother him so much when playing football. But last week, Cesare Prandelli, the national coach of the most beautiful footballers in the world, no longer ruled out the possibility of the Italians chickening out completely at the European Championships. After all, if goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon is hanging around the betting office and defender Leonardo Bonucci is in the dock, the Azzurri can't kick a ball. And fielding other players? "Kasche nitte macke!" In Italy, not only the earth is shaking, but also the turf. And many a bosom is shaking with fear that the handsome men might not make an appearance on the European pitch this year.

Much ado about nothing

The true football fan always has the defibrillator to hand in these wild times anyway. It's not just the news from Italy that makes your heart stop. Last week, "Fox Sports" tweeted that world footballer Lionel Messi had died of a cardiac arrest (!). Ten minutes later, the channel brought the Argentinian player back to life. A malicious hacker had planted the false report, probably to test how quickly a hoax can flutter through the media. But he hadn't reckoned with the alert defense of the Sport Foxes. Nevertheless, ten minutes is half an eternity on Twitter, similar to extra time. So there was a lot of noise about a (fortunately) undead man.

One shot, one hit

Perhaps a Swiss court jester of all people will come to the aid of the beleaguered king of football. FIFA President Sepp Blatter recently had a "good idea": in order to create a monument to himself and never be forgotten, he wants to abolish the penalty kick. It's a bit like depriving opera of its finale or love matches of their climax. However, Blatter does not yet know exactly how he wants to decide drawn matches in the future. Perhaps with a brisk round of poker "bin emänä güetä Fendant"? The FIFA boss is already said to be in talks with the Italian national goalkeeper and professional gambler Buffon.

In the middle instead of not there

A good option would also be a small swinging match between the respective team captains. After all, fresh sawdust smells almost as good as freshly mown grass. I for one would love to see Gianluigi Buffon and Cristiano Ronaldo rolling around in the sawdust. It would also mean that a little bit of Switzerland would always be present when football is played. Even if we don't play. So much brand awareness is a must. Well then: have a nice EM!