The Nipple Prohibitor
Oliver Reichenstein is against too much control and against the corporate tinkering of large companies. Instead, he advocates good products and genuine market communication. Column by Oliver Reichenstein, information architect in Tokyo.
As a kindergartener, there were two things I didn't want to miss: "Starship Enterprise" and the company's commercials. Yes, the company's commercials. There were the 2-second frontal breasts in slow motion. A woman in the big waves in the Atlantic or Pacific, running out of the waves. Everything is green and foamy and the sky is so blue, and she's just walking there stark naked, with her breasts in the air. She and the waves and everything in slow motion! And then someone cuts a bar of soap with a knife. At least that's how I remember it.
We all love breasts. Babies love breasts, girls study breasts, boys leer at breasts, women register every bosom on their horizon - men look at such shapes with the greatest attention imaginable. Yes, even gays make their own breasts in the gyms.
If something is objectively and indisputably super important in society, then it's breasts. Breasts are always a great story. Breasts in baroque paintings, breasts in French films, plunging necklines in cooking magazines. Big breasts, small breasts, bell breasts, round, pear-shaped, high-breasted, full-breasted - no one can ever get enough of breasts. All breasts are wonderful, and anyone who denies that doesn't understand anything about the world. But as always, when something is simply fantastic, someone comes along and has to spoil everything. The Pope, the Mufti, an embittered old feminist or even: Steve Jobs.
Seriously. He's now banning breasts on the iPhone and the so-called magic iPad. And not just the swimsuit car showroom corner or the dubious old men's sexy-hexy comics, no, every form of breast. "No nipples in my app store!" is the dogma.
Just imagine that. It's 2010 and someone wants to ban women's nipples in public? (Nota bene: men's nipples are okay.) So, no fashion show, no Dazed and Confused, no Araki, no Blick, no Bild, no naked forms of Rhodin, no Marble Greek women. Aphrodite? NO! Everything is forbidden. He also wants to ban Flash; Steve Jobs has now laid down special rules for everything to do with his Apple stuff. You're only allowed to use this software, not the other one, to write programs, you're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do that. Oh!
Well, the truth is: Apple products are computer boobs, and, yes!, I share his hatred of Flash, and, yes! he's mostly right. But to be honest, the fuss is still getting on my nerves. This banning is silly. Alcohol, sex, calories, you can ban them all you want, threaten them with hell and whatever else, IT DOESN'T WORK, because you can't put the brakes on alcohol, sex and calories. And anyway, what I watch on the device I buy is none of his business. If I spend all my pocket money on the collected works of Dazed and Confused, Bild or Blick, then that's my waste.
Very well. The real evil, as we all know, is a completely different one. Namely, the fact that companies communicate publicly as companies. Because of course Adobe is now taking the opportunity to take a swipe at Jobs. A few days ago, Adobe officially said that Apple should let the market be the market instead of imposing bans. Instead of keeping the competition in check with bans, Apple should rather be innovative. According to the white-bearded Adobe founders. Apple should rather be innovative? Oh boy! Isn't Apple the company that turns the market on its head with new products almost every year? And isn't Adobe the company that bought up its main competitor, creating a total monopoly that makes any innovation superfluous and now allows them to sell the same product five times as CS 1, 2, 3, and now 5?
I know that I make myself unpopular with Apple, Adobe, most companies and advertisers with such unvarnished words, but it has to be said: Stop with the controlling, the corporate bullshit and concentrate instead on making good products. You win customers with strong products. And happy customers are the key to real market communication. Not with posters. Not with commercials. And certainly not with bans on breasts. Breasts are magical. iPads are not.
We all love breasts. Babies love breasts, girls study breasts, boys leer at breasts, women register every bosom on their horizon - men look at such shapes with the greatest attention imaginable. Yes, even gays make their own breasts in the gyms.
If something is objectively and indisputably super important in society, then it's breasts. Breasts are always a great story. Breasts in baroque paintings, breasts in French films, plunging necklines in cooking magazines. Big breasts, small breasts, bell breasts, round, pear-shaped, high-breasted, full-breasted - no one can ever get enough of breasts. All breasts are wonderful, and anyone who denies that doesn't understand anything about the world. But as always, when something is simply fantastic, someone comes along and has to spoil everything. The Pope, the Mufti, an embittered old feminist or even: Steve Jobs.
Seriously. He's now banning breasts on the iPhone and the so-called magic iPad. And not just the swimsuit car showroom corner or the dubious old men's sexy-hexy comics, no, every form of breast. "No nipples in my app store!" is the dogma.
Just imagine that. It's 2010 and someone wants to ban women's nipples in public? (Nota bene: men's nipples are okay.) So, no fashion show, no Dazed and Confused, no Araki, no Blick, no Bild, no naked forms of Rhodin, no Marble Greek women. Aphrodite? NO! Everything is forbidden. He also wants to ban Flash; Steve Jobs has now laid down special rules for everything to do with his Apple stuff. You're only allowed to use this software, not the other one, to write programs, you're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do that. Oh!
Well, the truth is: Apple products are computer boobs, and, yes!, I share his hatred of Flash, and, yes! he's mostly right. But to be honest, the fuss is still getting on my nerves. This banning is silly. Alcohol, sex, calories, you can ban them all you want, threaten them with hell and whatever else, IT DOESN'T WORK, because you can't put the brakes on alcohol, sex and calories. And anyway, what I watch on the device I buy is none of his business. If I spend all my pocket money on the collected works of Dazed and Confused, Bild or Blick, then that's my waste.
Very well. The real evil, as we all know, is a completely different one. Namely, the fact that companies communicate publicly as companies. Because of course Adobe is now taking the opportunity to take a swipe at Jobs. A few days ago, Adobe officially said that Apple should let the market be the market instead of imposing bans. Instead of keeping the competition in check with bans, Apple should rather be innovative. According to the white-bearded Adobe founders. Apple should rather be innovative? Oh boy! Isn't Apple the company that turns the market on its head with new products almost every year? And isn't Adobe the company that bought up its main competitor, creating a total monopoly that makes any innovation superfluous and now allows them to sell the same product five times as CS 1, 2, 3, and now 5?
I know that I make myself unpopular with Apple, Adobe, most companies and advertisers with such unvarnished words, but it has to be said: Stop with the controlling, the corporate bullshit and concentrate instead on making good products. You win customers with strong products. And happy customers are the key to real market communication. Not with posters. Not with commercials. And certainly not with bans on breasts. Breasts are magical. iPads are not.
