Spiked: Words for the end of the year

Have you already lived through it, your 15 minutes of fame? Can you claim to have attracted the attention of a broad public for at least 900 seconds? Have you been allowed to read your name in the column of a newspaper or see it flicker across a TV screen? It never ceases to amaze me how many people live only to become famous. But how does one achieve the uniqueness necessary to stand out from the crowd? Not everyone has an innate USP like a carrying voice, a striking face or a special talent. Those who have been neglected by Mother Nature must try to make a name for themselves through an outstanding performance. However, the return on investment should be closely examined when choosing this strategy, as it is very resource-intensive. Of course, awareness does not just fall into the lap of USPers either. Think of the "Roger Federer" brand and the years of hard work behind its positioning. Even celebrities like Robert de Niro, Angelina Jolie, her almost godfather Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts had to go through the bottom first before they reached the top. The elected and the highborn have an easier time of it. They usually succeed in joining the league of the most famous brands without any obvious talent, only by birth or election to office. This category includes heads of state, blue bloods and the Pope. A subcategory of these are the freeloaders of the glorious, the married and the life-partners. The piggyback strategy, however, is again more recommended for Mother Nature's minions: Market research shows that success is significantly influenced by factors such as bust size, leg length or facial features.

For those who don't like to plan for the long term, a one-off action is recommended. Looking at the long list of casting show participants around the globe, this seems to be an extremely popular strategy. However, the success rate is extremely low. If you can't score with a stellar performance, you should at least be bad enough to stand out from the mediocrity in the negative. People who make people feel ashamed are very popular, especially with TV stations and on the Internet. Which rewards those who make an ass of themselves with a few minutes of fame. This is also the case with "Where the hell is Matt" star Matthew Harding, who is filmed tripping and wriggling in front of landmarks all over the world.

The fact that even the weirdest oddballs can find a target group for their product is an amazing phenomenon. Let's switch back to Switzerland, to Zurich, to be precise. Here, a permanently drunk, loutish and swearing welfare recipient manages to be regularly mentioned in the newspaper columns. Hans Ulrich Flückiger - better known as "Hanf-Ueli" - seems to have found a home newspaper, especially in the commuter paper 20 Minuten. Although not the big money, but at least a new place to stay in the form of a caravan, the corresponding reports have already brought the Zurich. Now that's a return on investment! So, have you had your 15 minutes yet? Not? Then you are like me. Unfortunately, I don't have any special talent, and the prospect of a seat on the Federal Council is very slim due to my lack of party affiliation. Blue blood doesn't flow in my veins either, and since my marriage, the train has sailed for the treading-board strategy - even if, as far as I know, Hanf-Ueli would still be available. So what remains? The outstanding performance and I'm still working on it ...