Impaled: By the Prophet's beard!

It’s happened to George Clooney. And to Brad Pitt, too. And to Jake Gyllenhaal and Jude Law as well. There’s hardly a man in Hollywood who hasn’t misplaced his razor at least once. The sad result: they’ve all ended up growing beards. A fate that can befall more than just celebrities.

My father belonged to this breed for years. I remember hairy goodnight kisses, sauce splatters in his beard, and a man who looked 20 years older than he actually was. My husband’s facial hair, too—which rarely came into contact with a razor blade during our trip around the world—didn’t exactly fill me with enthusiasm. Since this is my last «Werbewoche» column anyway, I can confidently come out: I’m afraid I’m actually a “misopogon”—a beard hater, or the female equivalent of that.

I’ve only known for a week, though, just how strong my aversion to unshaven men is. Oblivious to what was to come, I was flipping through the latest issue of the PKZ Group’s customer magazine. Right in the editorial, Olivier Burger spoke of «additional dimensions» with a mysterious smile. It wasn’t until 108 pages later that I realized what he meant: there, a hairy Neanderthal with a grim expression and a tense posture was modeling a suit. After the initial shock, I wondered where the modeling agency had unearthed this well-preserved specimen. So that was the «additional dimension»: an extinct species wearing the latest fashions. Seriously, though: I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that a man—and a model, no less—would pose like that in front of a photographer’s lens.

«Just an isolated incident,» I told myself, and, feeling irritated, tossed the glossy magazine into the recycling bin. I realized just how wrong I was only a few days later. While reading an issue of *Blick am Abend*, I had yet another encounter of the hairy sort. A Taliban member in civilian clothes was modeling for the clothing brand H&M. And—whether by coincidence or design—right next to it was an article about Bin Laden’s traitorous concubine—complete with a picture of the terrorist leader. The headline should have read: Bin Laden Lives! For me, at any rate, that was definitely one beard too many. That’s why I’ll be staying away from fashion magazines and free newspapers from now on. At least until Gillette, Wilkinson Sword, and the like put a stop to this unchecked proliferation in their ads.