Skewered: Fronk-kreisch, Fronk-"kreisch!"

They're crazy, the Romans!" is what Asterix always says. By now it's clear: the French are crazy too. Many of us have had to experience first-hand that the people of the Grande Nation are, shall we say, a little peculiar - especially when it comes to their culture (you know: "Jeanette, baguette, cigarette") and their language. When trying to buy a sandwich, for example. Or when asking for directions in less than perfect French. It's like talking to someone who is hard of hearing. Or the deaf. But recent events show that the (linguistic) quirk of the French is much worse than previously thought. Since 1994, the language FBI "Délégation générale à la langue française (DGLF)" has ensured that French is used for advertising, labeling and operating instructions for all products offered in France as well as for publications, television and radio. And it is French-French. Anyone who speaks French vividly and allows their French vocabulary to be enriched by foreign words must expect draconian penalties by law. The Grenouilles are particularly concerned about the Anglicisms introduced by many technical innovations. Rumor has it that a beheading machine (French "guillotine") from Robbespierre's private collection has been installed in the DGLF's chambers. Several acquittals had already disappeared without trace after being summoned to the authorities ...

You need that much time

Seriously, of course the French are right. After all, "fournisseur d'accès à l'internet" simply sounds nicer than "internet provider", "accès sans fil à l'internet" better than "wireless internet access", "informatique en nuage" aparter than "cloud computing", "l'ordinateur" of higher quality than "computer" and even "bloc" has a nobler touch than "blog" (other terms: http://franceterme.culture.fr). Speaking Franco-French is a little more complicated and takes a little longer - but excuse me, French took centuries to develop. There must be enough time for a few longer sentences!

After social networks, which logically can only be called "les réseaux sociaux" in France, Twitter and Facebook are now also under attack. After all, both are brands, naming them is surreptitious advertising and this has been prohibited since 1992 - another law. The French regulatory authority for television and radio, the "Conseil supérieur de l'audiovisuel", recently came to this conclusion. That's actually true. Pardon, correctement complètement! This means that Facebook or Twitter accounts can no longer be referred to on the radio or television, at least not with the nasty F and T words. At most, a general reference is allowed, like this: "Suivez-nous sur réseaux sociaux." Great. What do the French actually use to make calls? Certainly not with an iPhone. And probably not with a smartphone either. Merde! In comparison, the battle between certain parties over Swiss German in childcare is downright harmless. After all, all Swiss dialects are permitted in childcare. Even Valais dialect.

Abolition of liveliness

Grande Nation my ass. "Screech," is all I can say. Just don't tell the French that many elements and terms in their language come from Germanic, Frankish and even Celtic, for example the counting system in the twenties, which standard French retains to this day. Otherwise, the sons of the Seine might just get the idea of abolishing themselves. Although, perhaps someone should tell them ...