Striking: One becomes quite clever when leafing through the nine-page ad street for photographer Adrian

You don't get the full picture when you leaf through the nine-page advertisement for photographer Adrian Portmann in a cult magazine. Under the motto "Action...Reaction", it advertises the talent of the person seeking the job. Sometimes with a needle about to pierce the tender flesh of a woman's lip. Another time with the crushing of a fish - in which, similar to Wes Craven's shocker "Scream", the innards of the water dweller are torn out by hand. It goes without saying that these images - even without the smell of fish - are quite disturbing. However, if you are looking for an explanation for these shots, you won't find one on the homepage - under construction. Unfortunately, there is only a super-wet male fantasy to be seen. So when it comes to internal fluids, Adrian Portmann is the photographer for the job. Because these pictures are downright nauseating! Chandra Kurt [email protected]
Column

Intimacies of everyday life By Mike Müller
As an emotional wimp, I indulge myself with TV commercials when the weather is depressing. What could be holier than a morning coffee - every coffee commercial consequently drives my dirty taste fantasies to their peak. It has happened to me that my digestive system was set in motion just by watching the pictures. Or cars: my garage owner keeps threatening me with phrases like "the machine won't last much longer". For God's sake, when I watch car movies afterwards, I display a sensitivity that could have saved many a relationship. And children are the hottest, no matter what product they are used for, every seasoned man regrets his vasectomy and sheds a few bitter tears. But the laundry room is and remains the ultimate. How often do I stand down there in old jeans and washed-out sweatshirts and long for those self-sufficient women who can be made happy with a packet of Omo? I don't think they even need sex. My analyst, a former advertiser, then tries to explain the psychological basis of this system to me. He accuses his former colleagues in the blackest terms and wants to turn me into a victim. After these sessions, television advertising is always very exhausting for me. I have to throw so much reason at this emotional force that I usually fall asleep before the detergents. Afterwards, my garage owner calls me a cold asshole, I wear clothes for several weeks so that I don't get laundry room trauma, and I even use a condom to masturbate so that the desire to have children doesn't affect me emotionally. My analyst, the former advertiser, is a clever fox. [email protected] Mike Müller is an actor.
Business lunch

Drink, O eyes, what the eyelashes can hold Gottfried Keller already recommended traveling to Zurich from the lake. Not a bad idea when late spring arrives: A short boat trip, Keller's poems in your pocket and plenty of sunshine - that's probably a good way to counter idleness. If you get hungry, you can satisfy your hunger at the Lake Side Casino Zürichhorn just as easily as you can satisfy Keller's craving for a glass of wine (for non-Germanists: red wine, of course).
So there you are, your thoughts on Keller, sitting on the terrace of the casino, which was renovated at great expense, at tables with glass tops and on feather-light chairs. The sun's warming rays are reflected on the surface of Lake Zurich and you can't think of any more tricks, enjoying the flight of the seagulls, the chattering ducks and the flapping swans.
Of course, if you want to enjoy so much sensual pleasure in a restaurant over lunch, you have to plan it meticulously in advance, because without a reservation, the terrace seats will soon be taken. And it's worth it, not just because of the charming view. The business lunch is well worth a trip to Bellerivestrasse. For 38 francs, there is a choice of two starters, followed by a main course and friandises for coffee.
On the day of the visit, instead of Romanesco foam soup with baked prawns, the choice fell on carpaccio, garnished with cherry tomatoes and lamb's lettuce. Four slices of this raw beef were placed on the plate: not too much and not too little to look forward to the second course: Wiener schnitzel with roasted potatoes and vegetables, and this is just served on a plentiful and nicely filled plate.
Of course, the meat was pork, the veal wouldn't have stood a chance - at these prices. The roast potatoes were probably a filling side dish, but why not? After all, the nature around the shore presents itself in opulent colors, so the hunger can be quite strong for once. What's more, everything was neatly arranged and brought to the table by busy waiters. They also did their bit to make the longed-for interruption to the new day's work even more praiseworthy. Indeed, Keller would have been delighted with the new establishment on the shores of the lake he sang about so beautifully. Especially as the cuisine is presented without frippery, and probably more importantly: he might have found fewer Swiss wines by the glass than he did during his lifetime, but because the State Secretary was sometimes also a statesman, he would probably have found something nice in the rich selection of wines served with a sure hand. And afterwards he would have been pleased that he didn't have to put much of his wages on the innkeeper's table. He wouldn't have cared so much if a cell phone had rung here and there. Carlo Bernasconi [email protected]
Lake Side Casino Zürichhorn
Bellerivestrasse 170
8008 Zurich
Tel. 01 385 86 00
Fax 01 385 86 01
There are plenty of parking spaces!