Last but not least: And daily greets the marble miss

Not long ago, *Blick* and *Blick.ch* couldn’t wait to get the classic beauty pageant off the SRF schedule. Anyone who criticized the format was given ample space and unambiguous headlines. «The beauty pageant has no place on a publicly funded broadcaster!» the newspaper prominently quoted the Public Council as saying in September 2011. «It doesn’t get any more simplistic than this!» was the headline Blick used for reader comments, which weren’t all negative. Fabian Zürcher, then deputy head of the People section, wrote in his column on September 26, 2011—long before SRF dropped the pageant from its lineup—in a way that Mike Shiva could not have put it more precisely: «We no longer need this license-fee-funded commercial. Which isn’t to say that beauty pageants have no future. A talent show could generate more excitement and raise the profile of the contestants.».

On April 16, 2012, the Miss pageant era came to a temporary end: «Miss Pageant Canceled!» The accompanying online poll showed that the sense of loss at Blick was kept within manageable limits: When asked whether they would miss the beauty pageant, the only positive response—and a final dig at Leutschenbach—was: «Yes, especially host Sven Epiney.» Alternatives: «No, now I don’t have to cringe on someone else’s behalf anymore» and «I wish for world peace!» Although Blick alone published over 2,000 articles on the topic of 'Miss Switzerland« in the 2000s, there was no time for sentimentality. »This pageant should have been abolished long ago!« the editorial staff and 49 percent of the voting readership agreed the very next day.

Switzerland's Next World Peace

Reigning Miss Switzerland Alina Buchschacher had been in office for what felt like five years before it became clear what the future held for the entire Miss Switzerland pageant. As if we’d seen it coming—a sort of reality talent show on Sat 1 Switzerland. Unlike the classic Saturday night special, viewers are now also part of countless media-staged preliminary rounds. With this confusing and drawn-out process, it pays to have the right media partners: With Schweizer Illustrierte, L’Illustré, Radio Energy, and Sat 1 Switzerland—with the exception of Rouge FM and Rouge TV—it’s exclusively Ringier publications on the hunt for Switzerland’s next “world peace.” The media partners closest to viewers’ hearts were apparently included in the attractive Ringier bundle: Blick and Bilck.ch.

Unspoiled Dream Bodies and Balkan Beauties

For months now, they haven't stopped constantly rubbing the female candidates in the readers« faces. Uncritical, but persistent. A joyful announcement in February: “The beauty queens are back!»With contestant Dominique, everything will be different. The journalism student wants to make a statement with her unconventional sidecut hairstyle. Two days later, *Blick* estimates the chances that, among «six Balkan beauties,» there will be a «Miss Switzerland»I consider it to be very much a reality. The Ticino candidate Letizia Rebozzi (a.k.a. «Miss Untouched») explains why her «dream body» has so far been «just for show»—and a little later, she her first great love Alice Stark feels the same way: She, too, has a dream body—«but no one is allowed to touch it» until marriage («God protects me from sex!»). Her confession makes her even more desirable to men, which, of course, once again an article is worth.

Toned Legs and Other Priorities

Viktoria has a boyfriend who competed in the Mister pageant himself in 2012—they are undisputedly «The Most Beautiful Couple in Switzerland». Melanie loves a a teenager six years younger – yet it still challenges her intellect. Dominique and Lianna take a different approach: Their partners are at least ten years older! Janine has the measurements of a top model – But it wasn't always that way! Sara isn't just smart, she's also beautiful—and therefore «The Most Beautiful Teacher in Switzerland». Dorina the turtle dove is the girlfriend of «Soccer Fan»Taulant Xhaka. Miss contest organizer Karina Berger also stands out: This year, the Miss contestants are curvier than usual! Sandra likes to play up her charms when she shows off her jewelry—and lots of bare skin!. A real gem! With her mother's help, Dominique is running for office in shape and admits, «My legs could be more toned and firm.» If she were to win the Miss title, Snezana would even put her priorities on hold Wedding! Viktoria focuses on Municipal Mergers and, like most others, doesn't fit the dusty 1980s "Miss" stereotype (pretty but dumb) at all.

Just before the TV shows start, here are a few more vacation photos: «These beauty pageant contestants are just so cute!»And a revolutionary discovery: 13«Mini-Misses»wouldn't stand a chance as international (runway) models because of their height (about 1.70 meters)—so for once, no towering beauty with a crown!"

Miss Gray Mouse is too shy, Miss Stark is too weak

Despite the meticulous buildup, many viewers didn’t realize that the show had already started. Since there are no ratings anyway that could expose the new format as an even bigger flop, the «Miss Total» format was steadfastly maintained. The shy Anita Mustafa («Miss Gray Mouse») was the first to pack her bags—she's now focusing on her high school graduation exams. Scandal: Judge Nadine Vinzens wore a wig on the first episode («Totally crazy!») – the only criticism of the show. She and contestant Chantal used to be bullied – but now they're beaming with joy and showing it to everyone! The latter has, in the Hospital met the love of her life. Alice Stark then—despite (or thanks to) divine intervention—was, after all, too weak and was sent home. Fortunately, *Blick* favorite Dominique turned out to be «Miss Smarty-Pants»— Snezana, the wedding planner, apparently had other priorities. And so on.

It seems that at least the Blick media outlets have finally rediscovered their love for the beauty pageants. True to the motto: “I sing the song of whoever I’m covering.” We can look forward to the next stories—and to seeing whether Dominique (who stands out with her unconventional hairstyle and toned legs) really wins in the end.

Thomas Häusermann