Digitalization is massively changing love life in Switzerland

When online dating emerged in Switzerland over 15 years ago, it was seen as something that was used in secret and hardly talked about. Nowadays, this type of dating is firmly anchored in everyday life and is the number one way to find love: 46% of those who have met their partner in the last two years met them online. These are the findings of the latest representative study by online dating agency Parship.ch, which surveyed 1,000 men and women aged 18 to 69 in German-speaking and French-speaking Switzerland.

If you look at the results including all partnerships that were formed before online dating, one in five couples in Switzerland met online, with 30-39-year-olds leading the way with a share of 30%. "Once you reach a certain age, you have a busy career and a relatively fixed circle of friends and colleagues. It's hard to meet new people in everyday life," explains Parship.ch psychologist Barbara Beckenbauer. "In this case, online dating is an obvious and efficient way to find a suitable partner."

How has the move from offline to online love changed the search for a partner in different parts of Switzerland? Has it become easier or more difficult with digital media?

• German-speaking Swiss - especially those from north-western Switzerland, Zurich and eastern Switzerland (80%) - think that online dating is more flexible today than it used to be. Of all the Swiss, the Genevans are the least likely to agree (42%).
• People from Zurich (66%) and Vaud (75%) are the most likely to say that appearance plays a greater role today.
• Vaudois and Northwestern Swiss are the most likely to believe that there is more pressure to find the perfect partner today (60%).

With regard to Relationship duration and Type of partnership there are also cantonal differences and different results for D-CH and F-CH:

• German-speaking Swiss (72%), and among them above all the Bernese (79%), believe much more frequently than French-speaking Swiss (60%) that partnerships are ended more lightly nowadays, that people have higher expectations of a partner than in the past (D-CH: 66%, F-CH: 52%, Bernese 79%) and that people enter into more partnerships overall (D-CH: 55%, F-CH: 48%, Bernese 60%).
• Northwestern Swiss say most frequently that partnerships have become more short-lived overall (76%, D-CH 64%, F-CH 54%) and that people are less willing to compromise (63%, D-CH 53%, F-CH 51%).
• Eastern Swiss in particular believe that people are not so quick to commit themselves these days (63%, D-CH 53%, F-CH 44%)

Regional differences in the Relationship phenomena:

Ghosting (ending a budding or established relationship suddenly and without explanation by breaking off contact)

• One in four people in north-western Switzerland has already been ghosted (27%), while it has happened most frequently to people in the Central Plateau and Zurich (24%). The Bernese are the least likely to practice ghosting (9%) and have experienced it the least (19%, together with the Valaisans 16%).

Zombie-ing (getting in touch again some time after suddenly breaking off contact and acting as if nothing had happened) and Benching (keeping someone warm, even though interest is moderate, until you meet someone "better")

• These relationship phenomena occur most frequently in north-western Switzerland. 33% there have experienced someone contacting them again as if nothing had happened. "Keeping warm" is also most frequently practiced there (21%) and also most frequently experienced (23%). With the exception of Geneva, however, this is more likely to happen in German-speaking Switzerland than in French-speaking Switzerland.

Parallel Dating (going out with two or more people at the same time)

• People from Zurich tend to go out with two or more partners most often (33%). Vaud residents do this least often (12%), but they are the most likely to say that it has happened to them (29%, Zurich residents below average at 16%). Cushioning (going on romantic dates in addition to an actual relationship in order to have a reserve in case something happens)
• People from Geneva and north-western Switzerland are most likely to have another romance going on in addition to a relationship (23% and 22% respectively). People from Geneva and Zurich also state most frequently that they have been affected by this (21% and 19% respectively). This behavior is least common in Bern, whether actively (10%) or passively (5%).

But how has the move from offline to online love changed the search for a partner? Has it become easier or more difficult with digital media? There is no consensus on this question, as the study results show:

- Women are more likely than men to think that appearance plays a greater role today (68% vs. 55%), that there is more pressure to find the perfect partner (54% vs. 44%), that there is greater competition (49% vs. 41%) and that finding a partner has become more difficult (30% vs. 24%). At the same time, 40% of women find that there are more potential partners (men 50%).

- The under 29s in particular find that the search for a partner is more flexible today (74%), that appearance plays a major role (72%), that they face greater competition (54%), but at the same time have more dates than before (44%). There is also more pressure today to find the perfect partner (58%)

Parship.ch psychologist Barbara Beckenbauer comments: "It is quite possible that the low-threshold access to a large number of singles, who are also on their best behavior, unsettles many because it threatens to undermine their desire for exclusivity and longevity. Especially as all surveys in recent years have repeatedly shown the same picture: The vast majority of people want a long-term partnership with the values of exclusivity and loyalty that are also required of their partner. Regardless of gender and age."

With regard to Relationship duration and type of partnership women and young people are particularly critical:

• Women are more likely than men to think that relationships are ended more frivolously (77% vs. 61%), that people today have higher expectations (67% vs. 57%), and that relationships tend to be short-lived (67% vs. 56%) and superficial (54% vs. 40%). - The 18-29 year olds also have a similar impression to the women: more often than the other age groups, they believe that partnerships are ended more lightly (76%), that they are therefore also more short-term (72%), that people have more partnerships today (63%) and are less willing to commit than in the past (55%).

"The commonly postulated assumption that dating and partnerships have become more superficial and fast-paced due to digital media is more a reflection of the respondents' concerns than a reflection of reality," says Parship.ch psychologist Barbara Beckenbauer.

The figures also clearly show that the general impression regarding the shorter duration of a relationship is misleading: two thirds of couples who met online have been together for between 5 and 15 years. In these periods, they even exceed the figures for offline couples. Among those who met offline, long-term partnerships of more than 20 years are the most common (although a comparison with online couples is not possible, as online dating did not exist in Switzerland 20 years ago).

Anyone who deals with the topic of "partnership" cannot avoid buzzwords such as ghosting, benching or parallel dating. However, as the study shows, these are not specific online dating phenomena. Especially as people whose partnerships have existed for over 15 years (and therefore did not start online) have also experienced these phenomena - albeit less frequently.

• Ghosting (ending a budding or established relationship suddenly and without explanation by breaking off contact)
  • One in five people have been "ghosted" (20TP3T and 22% respectively), but one in five men (19%) and only one in seven women (14%) have used this tactic themselves. It has happened most frequently to 60-69 year olds (25%), and to one in five of the others. The 30-39-year-olds (21%) were the most likely to have done it themselves.
  • Relationship duration longer than 15 years: 14% self-happened, 13% self-made
• Zombie-ing (get in touch again some time after suddenly breaking off contact and act as if nothing had happened)
  •  This is particularly an issue for the U50s: 25% of them (and even 30% of the U29s) have already experienced it, and 16% have already used it themselves.
  • Relationship duration longer than 15 years: 13% self-happened, 9% self-made
• Parallel Dating (going out with two or more people at the same time)
  • Is definitely an issue among 18-49-year-olds (26%), with just under one in five - with the exception of the over-60s - being affected themselves
  • Relationship duration longer than 15 years: 17% self-happened, 18% self-made
• Breadcrumbing (contacting the other person just often enough to feign interest)
  • One in five men (21% vs. 14% women) and one in four under 29 (27%) have done it themselves. It has also happened to 16% of men (15% women) and 22% of under 29s themselves.
  • Relationship duration longer than 15 years: 11% self-happened, 10% self-made
• Cushioning (enter into romantic dates in addition to an actual relationship in order to have a reserve in case of an emergency)
  •  Just under one in five men (19%) admit to having other romantic dates in addition to an actual relationship as a "reserve for emergencies" (women 13%). The 30-39 age group in particular seems to have a great need for "security" in this respect (23%).
  • Relationships have lasted longer than 15 years: 7% happened by themselves, 10% were self-made Even if the phenomena are not new, they can have an unsettling effect, as Barbara Beckenbauer confirms: "Of course there are people who exploit these opportunities and thereby abuse the trust of another person. But they have always existed, even before the internet. And no matter how we look at it, most people looking for a partner simply want to find someone with whom they can enjoy togetherness and plan a future together."